CONCEPTION 11/2015

I remember crossing over into a different Realm.

I remember seeing it so clearly. A black box moving in the distance.

I knew I must have it— my very Sanity depended upon it.

So I asked, “What will I have to give to obtain it?”

It entered into my Mind and Spoke, “You will See your Death.”

And I saw them.

Ripping and Tearing at my Veins with their strong sharp Claws, and powerful Jaws.

All around me Cries of Pain and the stench of 100 year old rotting corpses.

The pulling apart of my limbs by way of sheer force. The weight of my intestines straining my insides toward the Muck. The paralyzing Cold of the sharp piercing Stone beneath me, cutting me at the slightest movement.

Crunching and Crackling sounds of an unbearable Symphony fill my drums with great torture.

I float away into the Nothing.

I see what I have done.

I understand what I must do.

I no longer belong here. I no longer exist.

I will leave a part of my Essence behind in the hopes that you will find your way, but with far less pain.

I am TEKOLS.

I am a self-proclaimed conveyer of My Creative Flow.

My entire existence became this new paradigm many years ago.

I had a minor “mental setback” in the year of 2015.

The words and symbols printed on the page of my College Anatomy Book came alive.

Perhaps I had unlocked something?

But at the time, it was not a “Eureka!” moment at all.

My close friend and I were living with his mom in the basement.

Yes, grown men, living at home with a mom.

Men who were very uncertain regarding the present, past, and future.

My life seems to consist of chapters with clear and concise end points.

In my opinion, the minor “mental setback” marked the end of that chapter in my life.

I remember the words and symbols floating and dancing around the room.

I could see them taunting me very clearly.

They did not speak verbally, but they were the dictators of my internal voice.

I was crashing both physically and mentally.

My physical body could not contain the full force of all the lies, regrets, misfortunes, misgivings, or misunderstandings. 

Add onto that equation: Family, Work, School, Debt, A Child, Poverty, Religion, Society, and Women.

None of which I understood anything about.

I was very disturbed after the Incident.

My friend was there to listen. I am eternally grateful. 

Later that night, I was alone. 

I called out to the “nothing”, “I need something. I am dying here. I have no direction. I have no clue. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to feel like this.”

I heard the voices and felt a notion to grab the nearest writing utensil.

It so happened to be a G-2 Pilot pen. 

I grabbed some nearby paper and began to defecate lines onto the medium.

Without thinking. Without reference.

Pure Existence conveyed by way of the line.

My innermost. My energy. My mind. 

Free. Pure. Intricate.

Freestyle Drawing had unlocked a portal.

I knew that I had to retreat from school. The voices made it very clear that I was a Free Roaming Spirit.

I cannot be confined or contained.

I refuse to relinquish my powers to the injustice of any person or situation.

I had finally realized that I had been programmed and used. Thus, I had assisted in the use and programming of others.

Goodness forgive my trespass of ignorance.

¡Suficiente!

I am Free.

As if from out of nowhere, TEKOLS was here!

He instilled in me a wave of “something” that propels me to do better, be better, learn more, and enhance a greater respect overall. 

How do I cope?

A Freestyle Life. 

Life is Crude.